I have a confession to make.
I feel guilty when I take time off.
Not because I don't have work to do. Quite the opposite. The work is always there.
Nor because I don't deserve a break. Logically, I know I do.
No, the guilt comes from somewhere altogether stranger.
Perhaps it's because, as freelancers, we become conditioned to believe we should always be available. Always replying. Always writing. Always editing. Always "on."
When you're employed, annual leave is expected. Encouraged, even. Your colleagues tell you to have a wonderful holiday. Your boss signs the form. Nobody expects you to answer emails from a sun lounger.
Become self-employed, however, and somehow the rules change.
At least in our own minds.
Suddenly every day off feels like money left on the table. Every hour away from the keyboard feels slightly irresponsible. A week on holiday can feel less like a well-earned rest and more like playing truant.
Then the emails begin.
They are, almost without exception, perfectly pleasant.
"Hi Ed, just checking in..."
"Hope everything's OK?"
"Just wondering how things are progressing?"
"Thought I'd touch base..."
"No rush—but any update when you get a chance?"
There is usually nothing remotely sinister about any of them.
Yet, read through the guilty conscience of a freelancer, they somehow translate into something entirely different.
"Where are you?"
"Why aren't you working?"
"My project should be your only priority."
Of course, that's rarely what the client means. More often than not, they're simply checking in because they're excited about their book, website or project. If I'd invested thousands of pounds in something important to me, I'd probably do exactly the same.
The problem isn't the client.
The problem is us.
Many freelancers wear availability like a badge of honour. We answer emails late into the evening. We work weekends. We squeeze in "just another chapter" before bed. We promise ourselves that we'll take a proper break once this project is finished.
Except another project arrives.
And then another.
Before long, "taking time off" begins to feel almost... selfish.
Yet here's the irony.
The very thing our clients pay for—our judgement, creativity, energy and enthusiasm—is precisely what suffers if we never switch off.
Writers need to read.
Designers need to look.
Photographers need to observe.
Creative people need to live a little life before they can create something worth reading, seeing or hearing.
Rest isn't the opposite of work.
It's part of doing good work.
I'm trying to remind myself of that this summer.
The world won't stop turning because I spend a few days away from my desk. My clients will survive. The emails will still be there when I get home. And, if history is anything to go by, the work will almost certainly be better because I took the break.
If you're a fellow freelancer reading this, perhaps you're nodding along.
Tell me honestly...
When was the last time you went on holiday without taking your laptop?
